Even though I am a wife (Mrs.) and mom (affectionally called Ma!), I am not void of me. Before I was ever those other things, I was first me, and throughout the years, “me” got lost in the shuffle of football games, cheer meets, awards days, fixing Sunday dinners, and laboring over the mountainous glob of laundry that somehow manages to multiply with every piece I fold.
One day, I looked around and realized the following: my house is kept, my children’s needs are met, their perfect little lunches are packed, and my husband seems happy, but what about me? What about the one who existed before I was ever a Mrs. or a Ma? Her shadow sat quietly in the corner watching me give to everyone else what she needed for herself.
Even though I love the roles I play, I was drowning being everything to everyone else. Being where they needed me to be when they needed me to be there, and doing what they needed me to do when they needed me to do it. Yeah. I was drowning in expectations and demands of being the Mrs. and the Ma, and in that time, I turned to the only consistent I’ve had since the beginning of time: food.
Whether it was chocolate chip cookies, ice cream, soda pop or a Venti Caramel Ribbon Crunch Frappe from Starbucks, it didn’t matter. I just needed anything that could give me both comfort and the turbo boost of energy I needed to continue to be this underrated and unappreciated 207 pound superhero.
Yeah, I said it. 207.
Two-hundred and seven.
Two. Zero. Seven.
Now, that’s my number. Not yours. No judgement here, baby! Ever. This is about me reflecting on my life and my journey.
I stood looking in the mirror one day wondering how I had reached my heaviest, and I didn’t have to think long because the answer was simple: I was taking care everyone but myself. I was supposed to, wasn’t I? Self-sacrifice for the the people I love. That’s noble, right? And, it’s also a very good excuse for creatively avoiding a thing I hate to do called working out when I don’t feel like being bothered, but self-sacrifice sounds much better, so let’s just go with that.
I would tell myself that I could find time for me later, but I never did once I erased the scheduled lunch, dinner or spa date with my girlfriends that had ONLY been on my calendar for at least six months. With every new need or event, I would fall back into this repetitive cycle of deleting the “me time” that I knew would never be reclaimed. But, I did it anyway.
For years, I ignored the advice that I have always freely given to others which is: “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” And my cup was empty. Completely. So, I did whatever I had to do to get back to me. To show myself some love, and since that eyeopening day standing in my full-length mirror, I’ve dropped the weight: some physical but most mental.
I made a commitment to juggle it all better: being the Mrs., the Ma and the Me. To find and give healthy balance to it all.
Join me on the journey of being a wife, a mom, a business woman, an entrepreneur and just me! The real me.
But, let me caution you. This isn’t a blog about how you should do life. It is a blog about how I am doing life. Sometimes, I’ll be right. Other times, I’ll be wrong, but either way, we are all humans just trying to figure it all out, and I’m glad you’re here.
I wish you all love, peace, prosperity, and, of course, some me time!